Ok so even though i have no problems getting up in the morn im not really a morning person i can be somewhat cranky.......well i have this boss that can be way to happy in the morn it drives me nuts

Been a long time but well things have been doing good up till now. Me and my friend have been doing great, she has a new boyfriend he has his issues but he is a pretty good guy. Well my friend is Prego, a few months along so she picked her Godmother and I knew right away who it was gonna be, but they didn't know who the Godfather was gonna be, and my name wasn't brought up. Well I talked to her about it and she said I would be the logical descsion but she was leaving it up to him so I talked to him and he said my name would be thrown in the mix, and if nothing else I would be considered the uncle and she said that would be a for sure thing. They also said they where in no hurry to pick a godfather because they had the god mother picked out. Well here lately she has been referring to me as uncle but they haven't really said anything about who the godfather is. Now I don't know if I should let it bother me if I don't get chosen for Godfather or what but I just would of thought after all me and her went through that I would been first in line and it really hurts my feelings but I don't want to say anything because I just don't know if they have thought about it yet and she is just calling me uncle out of default if that makes sense, I don't know what to think but she did tell me that no matter what I would be a major part of her baby's life I just hope that I get to be the godfather I would be so honored. Other than that things haven't been to bad, financially I wish things would be better but the only way I'm gonna change that is if I get myself a new job....

My friend, my best friend has a new boyfriend at first he seemed like a great guy but as time went on I saw that he could be very abusive verbally..and she always told me to be honest with her about him so I have been telling her what I have thought. At one point time she even told me to speak up if I felt he said or did anything wrong. Well they are always arguing and fighting and it seems that I am there when it happens which is not a good thing, but one night it got really bad he was inside and me and her where on the outside she told me that she could see him and I going to blows because he would go at her while I was there and I told her that if he would hurt her I would do something about it. Well we all left that night in my car and again they where fighting and he said something really dumb basically threatened her in a bad way....I slammed on my breaks almost caused her whip lash...she was like "WTF" and he said "He's mad because I threatened you"...I looked back at him and warned him several times not to threaten her...and then told him to get out of my car. Me and her left but they argued on the phone and I ended up taking her back home....well now I can't go to her place to hang out because he is still all mad at me and she just seems different...she told me she wasn't mad at me for what I did and she even said I was probably the only one that would of stuck up for her..she did say it probably didn't help matters but she was not mad and she understood what I did. She has even said he is gonna have to get over it but I don't know I can honestly see it being where he is gonna try to tell her to get rid of me, she said it would never happen he is not gonna tell her who to be friends with and all that stuff...but right now he does have control because I can't go and see her and hang out with her. I don't want to be a part time friend I have known her for a year and some odd months...I just don't know if I can emotionally put up with this because when I'm someones friend I put everything into it and this is killing me...it seems like I did what I was told to do, and I did the right thing and I'm suffering for it....I honestly am prepared for the worse, if she lets him take control then I'm done I just can't be her part time friend...am I wrong for being like that??????.... my mind is racing and I just don't know what to do or what to say to her...I don't want to cause anymore arguments or problems...

Man this could be a long one to post from my phone but im so conflicted so confused......i no lomnger no what to do or what to say...i will post more when i get in front of my computer.....im just so.........so..............lost

Testing a post from my phone

woops trying something out

Me and my friend and the hardee hotties

Another shot of myself but this time with shaggy hair...well the rough look

Just a shot of me

Well on monday I made the road trip to Missouri, My friend wanted to come back but she wanted to bring her car back so she could have transportation but she wasn't to sure about the car. So me and My nephew went down to Missouri took us about 5 hours, hooked around there for aabout an hour then followed her back to town. She drove the whole way on a spare tire. Last night went to her house here in town and hung out by a fire with her and her boyfriend we drank way to much, left her place at about 2am in this morn, the rest of the time well has been kind of boring but its been nice being off of work as well

I was gonna post some long entry but after I read it I decieded that even that one should remain to myself...sorry about that one people, but hey I'm on vacation this week.......goooooo meeeee

It will be coming soon......just have to get it all right in my head first LOL

Tonight was the last night I saw my friend before she left town, It took all I had not to break out in tears. There where so many things I wanted to say but I knew if I opened my mouth I would cry. When I hugged her goodbye and I left I think I saw her tear up...I did fine untill I got to the car and turn on my Ipod and heard The Reason...I lost it completley....I don't know when I will recover from this...i Know she is only 5 hours away but still it's just not the same not having her here...........we had a lot of good times and a lot of rough times, parties, some arguements...I don't know........I just...................dont..................know.

Well my friend is actually leaving, its so hard to believe that I let myself get that close to somebody and become really good friends and now she is leaving....she is gonna be 5 hours away which is not bad...I mean I can go visit her but its just not the same without her here...she met me out at work today to pack up all her stuff, Saturday we went out with another one of her friends until 3am sunday...I dunno I'm just gonna miss her something fierce...my life won't be the same.

Well I'm gonna be changing my job soon, I just can't deal with all the drama and depression. I have been there for ten years and I have nothing to really show for it. I mean when I take a weeks vacation I can't do anything because I can't afford it. It all just sucks right now..... I have a good friend who is moving away, about 5 hours away thats not to bad, but its gonna hurt not to have her here every day, I get to see her at work all the time, and then here is a few weeks she will be gone. I don't know here latley I feel like my world is spinning out of control, I'm at an age where I should have everything in order but I dont. and at time don't know if I will.......................

I have to wonder sometime if its worth it, I mean I have been trying to get out there and meet new people...been trying a few different sites. Now here is the thing I do include a picture of myself on my profile so the girls know what I look like when they send me a message. One girl has sort of talked to me was suppose to call this weekend but never has..and when i was online with the other girl she told me what she looked like because she didn't have a pic and I was cool with what she said but yet when I told her...she didn't answer and just logged off.... I mean damn. It just wants me to give up hope on everything...but I'm gonna try a few more times and we will see what happens.....

I was worried about opening myslef back up to friendships, I knew what would happen. People tell me that she is just using me, and that she doesn't really care so many people tell me this. She tells me we are good friends, and not to listen to what other people say, yet its been a while since she has had me over to do anything??? I don't know who to believe or who to trust. Me and Her have had this talk on many occasions where I have worried about our friendship, she said there is nothing to worry about. I just don't know anymore, this is why I have been a loner for so long no chance of me getting hurt and no chance of me hurting anyone. I hear so many things from different people........I'm tired so tired of everything.

I have to wonder why people say what they say, or why they have to be so mean.  I have put up with a lot of crap for having a female friend at work.  It is complicated because she is my employee but now one of my best friends.  I have had to deal with a lot of gossip about us from the employees, but that finally stopped.  Well today they other boss started giving me shit, and I thought I would never hear him do that because he respected the fact that her and I where friends.  The one comment that made me mad more than anything was when he said “I don’t know why you bother with her, it’s not like your getting anything from her”  That one hurt a lot, she is more like my kid sister but I dunno that one hurt I don’t think I will forgive him for saying something like that. We have Thunderstorms right now, it seems to fit the mood I’m in and have been in for the whole day.  I don’t understand some people and I guess I never will

 

 

 

Gavin Rossdale - Wanderlust (Bonus Track Version) - Love Remains the Same

Ok long time no post but a lot has happened, first off lets start with my brother in law just before Christmas had a heart attack he didn't even really know he was having one. Earlier in the week he was just having back pain which is normal for him because he does a lot of work, well one day he got up said he wasn't feeling to well and they took to an express care, doctor said there isn't anything they could do for him gave him an asprin chew on it and get to the hospital. Once at the hospital the they told my sis that he had a major heart attack, one of his viens was like 99% blocked and one going to his leg was 98% blocked. They put stints in those he still has to go back and have another operation to have more unblocked, he is doing fine and recovering...I myslef had chest pains and went to the hospital but wasn't a heart attack thank god. Here comes the fun part this is the part where I"m confused on what to do....ok I have a friend who is a lot younger than me, well she was with a guy who beat her, I was one of her only friends that went to her house and sat with her a couple nights in a row to see if she is ok. I also listened to her several times about this guy, I let her cry on my shoulder several times and help her get through a rough time. Now mind you on vacation I was on my way to work to take her her christmas gift she calls me up and tells me her sisters apendix exploded and if I could picke up her mom and take her to the hospital so I did, so as time has moved on she has started to go out with a guy that she use to date before and now it seems like I'm nothing to her and that she can't be bothered by me...now mind you she has said that I'm a good, good, good, friend but it sure doesn't feel like it. Now here is the thing she is into a little bit of drugs, and drinks and I don't......but I just feel hurt because don't tell me I'm a really good friend and just ditch me because thats what it feels like to me....Now I did make a big mistake because she is one of my employees..I have never let this happen before but for some reason with her it did...I'm lost and confused on this subject because I don't want to hurt her, but I don't like being hurt everyday as well........somebody anybody if you can help me that would be great.